A Cultural Question

-
I was an Awana kid. I loved it, and still love what I learned because of it, and if you asked me the question "what is love," I would probably answer, "God." Because of the verse in 1 John 4:8. A much more difficult question is "What is being loving?" Or in other words, "What action best demonstrates love to the other person?" While I was in the States I pondered over this question in relation to many circumstances, but I have found that living in a different culture only magnifies the difficulty of answering that question tenfold.


Case in point: the piki men. or just men in general here. Because of my brightly colored skin and the imagined bulge in my pocket, hardly a single man in Uganda wouldn't want to be my boyfriend or husband. Add to that the fact that I naturally tend to smile, laugh, and in general be overly friendly, and I haven't been able to convince them to look elsewhere. While their frequent marriage proposals can cause much amusement (like the time a guy tried to use baby formula in a pick up line?!?!?!), it has also left me with a question to ask myself. What does truly being loving to them look like? While my first instinct is to smile at them, ask them questions about their family, and be 'kind' to them, I'm left wondering, is that really loving? In a culture where answers to strangers are typically short (and to my mind curt), my friendliness can be interpreted wrongly as interest. I have been told that it would be kinder to not lead them to believe they can win me by smiling and laughing with them, and instead I should adapt the cultural norm of short, to the point answers to questions. Talk about tough. This goes against everything that I have been my whole life. If people are friendly, I will be friendly as well. If people smile, I smile back. (that is unless I beat them to the smiling first!) If people ask a question, I answer and ask another one back. It's who I have always been. But now I have a choice: to stay the same, or to adapt to this new culture. Do I choose to hold on to what I value about my past culture, or choose to value something in this new culture more? Tonight I'm praying for wisdom, and conviction, and true compassion and love for people that is expressed in a way that they will easily understand. What are you praying for?

Comments

  1. AnonymousFebruary 7, 2012 at 12:13 PM

    I'm praying for YOU!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hector & LaurenFebruary 10, 2012 at 2:20 PM

    This definitely is difficult. I feel you! I even had people tell me the same thing when were students at Moody, and in working with inner-city people, or the homeless on the streets of Chicago... I'm glad you're struggling through this, though. I hope you're able to decide on some middle ground; but then again, this might be something that we spend our lives trying to decide on. Let me encourage you in this: your cheerful heart and spirit can always be amazing with women! Don't forget that! Even if you do have to make a sacrifice in the name of culture for men, you can put your energy for now into ministering to women. Love you, girl, and definitely praying about this for you.

    -Lauren (Woodruff) Quiles

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousFebruary 15, 2012 at 2:56 PM

    Hey girl! I'm with Lauren on this one: your sweetness is great with women! I loved being on your floor and inWCC with you :D Anyhoo, prayed for you. - Dees

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Our Daily Posho

-
Image
Anybody remember your elementary school cafeteria? I don't....I didn't have one since I was home schooled, but that's besides the point. I certainly got to HEAR about all my friend's school cafeteria experiences (you know, the whole "I'll eat your brown stuff if you'll eat my green stuff"), but I thought I'd show you the school cafeteria at Covenant Primary school here in Mbale..... Here, everyone just eats their brown stuff. otherwise known as ebijanjalo, or to you muzungus, beans. and posho. Posho or rice with beans is definitely one of the most common meals here in Uganda, and they eat plenty of it! I seriously marvel at how much one Ugandan can fit in their flat stomach. When I was growing up, the most common concern I heard expressed about being a missionary was what you would have to eat. Pictures of bugs, slimy slugs, and floating chicken heads danced through my mind, and I asked myself, "Would I be willing?" I said yes....but sin
Read more

Washing Clothes

-
Image
Today I bring you a two in one! Many have been asking me how we really wash clothes over here, so I thought I'd give you a taste.....plus give you a bonus track of some of the language I've learned and practiced with my language helper!! Bwenti bwenjoza engoye zange: This is how I wash my clothes Njua amaazi mubafu: I fill a basin with water Nteka engoye zange mu maazi: I put my clothes in the water Nsiiga saboni ku lugoye: I put soap on the clothes Wemala nga nkunya engoye: I then scrub the clothes Nteka amaazi amayonjo nenyanika engoye zange: I use fresh water to rinse, then spread my clothes to dry Bwentio bwenjoza engoye zange! That is how I wash my clothes! While it is me speaking, the pictures are quite obviously NOT me washing ;) For some reason, I found washing and photographing simultaneously to be hazardous to the health of my camera!
Read more

I've Persevered!

-
Image
In my 6 1/2 years living in Africa, I’ve seen some really hard times. But this year has been different. A steady stream of one emergency, trial, and conflict after another has kept my spirit weary. Each one has not held the intensity or trauma that I’ve experienced in past years, but it’s been the never-ending tension that’s so hard. With at most a couple days of calm between each new struggle, the weariness of body, mind, and spirit has been overwhelming at times. From confronting malicious lies about me among the teachers, to grieving over the consequences of sin in some co-workers. From having to be the vet for my kittens (including learning how to put in a sub-cut IV, give injections, and do post-op care), and burying the ones that died in my arms, to cleaning out the fridge that either switches off, spoiling all the food, or freezes all the fresh fruit and veggies. From dealing with sullen teenagers in class, to battling the spiritual warfare that imprisons many of my teac
Read more