Our Engagement

I’m typing while staring at my finger, newly decorated, and I still can’t quite believe it’s real. 7 years in the making, and in this moment it seems more like one of my early morning dreams, somewhere in the middle of waking and sleeping. But maybe if I write it out, it will start to sink in.

7 years ago, I had just left my family, including a newly married sister, and had moved to Uganda to live with a national pastor and his wife in Mbale. My very first day in Mbale, I was introduced to my next door neighbors, Paul, Flower, and their family. I was so excited for these new friends since I was so eager to learn language, culture, and establish myself in Ugandan society. Paul and Flower were just as willing and the next weeks found us in all kinds of activities from going out in the slums to do first aid for wounds, to learning how to wash dishes with no running water. They were also my first language teachers (of both Luganda and the Ugandan accent!), and we spent hours laughing and trying to teach Paul how to properly say his R’s. Those first couple weeks were wonderful, and everything was fresh and exciting. Paul, Flower, and I spent time every day together when the two of them weren’t in classes. 

But a month later, Paul sent me a message confessing his feelings for me. I was so disappointed and confused since I just knew this would ruin our wonderful friendship. I avoided him for a couple days while I tried to figure out how to tell him that I had no such thoughts about him, but in a way that wouldn’t hurt him more than necessary. Finally, I got up the courage and just said it. He was great and understanding, and assured me that he still wanted to continue our friendship. 

Over the next couple months, we continued talking and sharing, and I was amazed at how well we connected and understood each other, even across cultures. At some point during that time, while I was talking with Jesus, I had the deep conviction that Paul and I were meant to be together. I really didn’t understand or accept it at first since I really didn’t look at Paul in that way, but slowly, my feelings for him also changed and grew. The more I got to know him, the more I saw and deeply valued his sincere love for Jesus and other people, his drive to learn and grow as a Believer and as a person, and his amazing depth of thought and heart. Plus, he daily showed and convinced me just how much he truly loved and valued me as a person! 

We started thinking and dreaming about what a life together would look like. The hurdles towered over us; including the 5 years needed for him to finish a law degree, the cultural acceptance of our relationship, my own family’s hesitations, and my fear of what impact would be had on my new ministry. We believed for a time that those hurdles would be overcome, but after a conversation with my dad in February of 2012, and 3 subsequent days of fasting and praying, Paul and I obeyed Jesus’s clear direction to separate.


At first, we did so fully believing that when the time was right, Jesus would most likely bring us back together again. But months passed by, and I went back to the States for 6 months to arrange details with the new organization I would be serving with in Kamonkoli, and Paul went off to law school. The next 4 1/2 years we communicated rarely and superficially. We both had other relationships during that time that greatly impacted and shaped our lives and views of relationships. I thought I had moved on completely, though I did still had a tiny doubt in the back of my mind of whether Jesus would ever bring Paul back in my life, but Paul on the other hand continued to love me all those years and longed for second chance.


In December of 2016, I was coming back from a fundraising trip to the States, and Paul messaged me requesting me to help him buy some things from the States. When we arrange for me to deliver them to him in Kampala, I was totally surprised when he showed up in his suit with a bouquet of roses and a request to start our relationship afresh. At the time, my parents and I were both not comfortable with the idea of a romantic relationship, especially considering a lot of time had gone by without us really knowing each other. But Paul and I agreed to chat on Facebook and text more frequently.


In 2017 I moved to Kamonkoli and experienced one of the more difficult years of my time here in Uganda. Challenges in living situation, friends leaving, ministry discouragements, dying pets, and many other things kept me in tears and on my knees the whole year. Paul turned out to be a constant source of encouragement and wise advice, and I rediscovered just how well he knew and understood me (even after all those years!).


Our friendship was was growing deeper and more and more valuable to me, but especially because of past relationships, I still had major fears and hesitations about pursuing anything more. One day, Paul’s best friend Bolton sat him down for a talk and said, “Paul, if you don’t get off your behind and go down to Kamonkoli to actually see her in person, this relationship won’t ever happen. You could decide to let things go, but I wouldn’t want to see you 5 years from now regretting letting the woman you really loved get away.” I don’t know if Bolton had any idea just what an impact his words would make, but boy am I sure glad he said them!



Paul did just that, and asked if I would mind him coming just to ‘say hi and hang out.’ :) He got on the 5 am bus on Sunday morning, arrived in time to go to church with me, and we got lunch and talked for a bit afterwards until he had to get back on the bus to travel the 5 1/2 hours back to Kampala.


The next weekend, I was in crisis after my kitten, Miracle, had been spayed and the stitches weren’t holding. I had spent all day Friday with her trying to keep her from licking and pulling out her stitches, and had barely slept in 2 nights. Paul came to my rescue and again travelled to spend the weekend with me, helping to make sure Miracle survived. Again, he caught the late bus back to Kampala so he could work the following morning. That week, Miracle had to be restitched 3 times under anesthesia until finally the vet said there was nothing more he could do for her. The stitches just wouldn’t hold. Either the flesh would have to regrow from the inside out, or she wasn’t going to make it. For 5 weeks, I prayed for Jesus to heal my kitten, and I got to watch the miracle of His healing hand restoring her flesh. Paul also continued traveling each weekend, making sure that as long as he was around, I was also taking care of myself as well. I watched as this man (who being a Ugandan, would never wish to be in such close contact with a cat!) cuddle and care for my kitten while making sure I got a shower, a nap, and food. Those weekends were when Paul really won my heart again. 

After 3 months back in the States, I came back to Uganda in January 2018 wanting, but still not being sure of a dating relationship with Paul. My family, and parents especially, still had fears and reservations about a cross-culture relationship, and I still had fears from my last relationship. But after a surprise trip to Kampala to see Paul in February, Jesus did an amazing work in both my heart, and my parents’ hearts to give us the peace and confidence in the Lord’s leading us to enter a relationship pursuing marriage. Paul had already been convinced the whole year that I was the one God had for him and that he wanted to spend his life with, but he had been so respectful and honoring of both me and my family in his patient pursuit of me. We officially started dating February 25, much to the joy of his community and my Kamonkoli community who had already seen his commitment to me. 

In Ugandan culture (especially in the village setting!), it is not common for young people to let others know about their romantic relationships until they’re either announcing their wedding plans, or get pregnant. This originates in the traditional culture of parents negotiating their children’s marriages. Add to this the pressure of the man having to have enough money to pay a huge dowry before getting married, and couples typically take years before letting their communities know about their relationship. This aspect of Ugandan culture has led to a huge trap from Satan as young people hide their relationships and more commonly than not are sleeping together before marriage.


Paul and I wanted something different for our relationship. We really wanted to be an example of how Christian young people can get to know each other and figure out God’s perfect plan for their lives within the context of their communities. So Paul first came to Kamonkoli in March and sought the input of Katherine, Pastor Charles, and others from his Mbale community, and also introduced me to his church and community in Kampala. I also openly shared with the kids in my older classes as well, and they’ve shared my excitement and enjoyed getting to see Paul during the many times he has come to visit Kamonkoli this year.


This year has definitely been the happiest one for me in Uganda so far! Though it certainly has not been without pain and huge challenges. Satan has attacked both of us viscously with temptation and fear, and we’ve waded through gossip, opposition, lust, and the strain of long distance communication. Plus life in cross cultural ministry is also always just hard. But oh the joy!! The joy of watching our love not only for each other, but also for those around us grow! The joy of sharing each other’s burdens. The joy of seeing Jesus more clearly through the other one’s perspective. The joy of drawing each other back to our knees to confess, repent, praise, and intercede with one another. What a gift!

This past week, after securing my parents’ blessing to ask for my hand, Paul traveled yet again on the late night bus. Early on Thursday morning, as I was getting packed and ready to head back to the States for my annual fundraising trip, Paul was conspiring with my roommates to decorate and set up our sitting room for a intimate, meaningful proposal. I thought with as bad as Paul usually is about keeping secrets from me, that I would know when he was going to propose. But boy did he surprise me! When I came out of my room to make breakfast that morning, I instead found the sitting room shining with twinkle lights, flowers, and little meaningful touches and Paul in a suit waiting to pull me into a hug. Going down on one knee (contrary to Ugandan culture, but in love and deference to mine!), Paul asked me to marry him with ring just exactly perfect for me. Of course, I said yes! (Though Paul still wasn’t 100% sure I would up to the time he asked! :) :) ) 

After reminiscing about the journey of our relationship, sharing a Mirinda fruity soda (a tradition from long ago!), and coffee cake made by my roommate, Paul told me he had booked a table for breakfast at Endiro, our favorite cafe in Mbale, where we have shared so many Sunday breakfasts before church. To my surprise, I didn’t find a table for two waiting for us, but instead a group of my precious friends and his family from Mbale waiting to surprise and celebrate with us! It was so perfect and special! I had plans to travel to Kampala that morning, but instead of waiting to propose until I came to Kampala, Paul made sure to plan his proposal in an intimate place where I could afterwards be surrounded by my community to celebrate with me. He knows my heart so well! That right there is one of the things about him that makes me so overjoyed to spend my life with him!

Tonight, I’m getting on a plane and will spend the next 2 months away from the one my heart loves. We’ve done long distance well before, so I know we’ll make it, but I have to say this is the hardest time I’ve ever had leaving Uganda.

I would so love your prayers for comfort, patience, and that I can wholeheartedly devote my effort and attention to my work and ministry, even as I’m aching to be back with Paul.


I would also so love your prayers as we make decisions about our future together and our ministry! Our hearts are both to build Jesus’s kingdom here in Uganda, so please pray for wisdom and discernment as we look for Jesus’s best for our family and ministry!