The gods of Soap and Water

Those who know me well, know that I tend to be a germaphobe. In general, I really like things around me to be clean (not necessarily perfectly organized, but at least clean of dirt and contaminants). You may be laughing right now if you’ve realized where I live and just how impossible it must be to maintain clean conditions around me. Especially right now in dry season, the never ending war on filth is real, when every vehicle that passes by on our dirt roads sends up a towering cloud of dust that inevitably filters in every window crack and ventilator of the house.


I can confidently say that the only way I have been able to cope and live the past almost 8 years here is because of the grace of God. The ability to ignore the kids’ dirt crusted fingers running through my hair, or the slimy hands thrust into my own has come miraculously from Jesus Himself. But there are still habits and rituals that I do to make myself feel more comfortable and at ease.


My bed is sacrosanct. It’s the one place I guard religiously to make sure it is clean. I never get in before bathing, and even my house help is asked not to wash the sheets or make the bed. After living my whole day exercising self-control over my fear and desires for cleanliness, I know I can at least collapse into a fresh, clean, safe place of rest and truly relax.


I’m also really picky about bathroom hygiene. After watching videos of fecal bacterial being aerosolized and distributed over a bathroom when the toilet was flushed with the lid open, you can bet I always make sure the lid is down before I flush. It’s also impossible for me to leave the bathroom without washing my hands with soap and water. I can just imagine those pesky bacterias jumping from the toilet handle to my hand, and then onto every other surface I touch.


Even though I consciously admit that my strictness is the privilege of a single woman without children living in the house, I’ve continually put aside the thought that one day it won’t be possible to maintain, and instead just been grateful for the peace (and control!) I enjoy now.


Until last month.


For 8 days, 4 of my teachers and I stayed in a little village about an hour away from Kamonkoli at a day school (no boarding facilities) in order to attend a teacher training on Biblical vs secular worldviews. When we first arrived, our gracious hosts apologized for the primitive facilities, and showed us to the classroom where we would be sleeping. We were each given a 6 inch mattress, but at first we were unsure of where to put them. Laying them down on the floor wasn’t all that appealing considering the many bugs, rats, and snakes (!!!) that commonly cross through at night. Good enough, Jesus gave the women a burst of inspiration, and we found that by setting two long desks (with the attached benches) next to each other, we could make an acceptable bed frame. When the men caught wind of our ideas, they also hurried to copy our set-up! With our mosquito nets rigged from the widows and ceiling rafters, our sleeping set up was complete.

For bathing facilities, our hosts hurried to nail up a temporary structure of papyrus mats right next to the classroom where we would be studying. We came prepared with our buckets to carry water for bathing, and I psyched myself up for bathing while standing in the muddy grass where the other women would also bathe (and at times pee….). 

And even though we shared our classroom with a colony of bats that very generously shared their stench and filth with us, somehow Jesus gave me the supernatural strength to stay… and even go to sleep at night.


Then on one of the days, we were asked to identify cultural worldviews that determined our own practices and habits. I was asked to do so from the secular humanist perspective of my American culture. I sat with my paper and pen ready, but inwardly thinking that my own worldview had been so shaped and changed in 30 years of knowing and serving Jesus, that it would be difficult to find something to write about (proud much??).


As I sat thinking, I realized how bad I needed to visit the toilet first. On my way back from the pit latrine, I reached down to lift the dirty jerrycan that was filled with rain water for washing our hands. I first poured the semi-clean water over one hand, and switched the blackened handle of the yellow jerrycan to the other hand and poured water over that one too. As I stood wringing out my dripping hands, my mind shouted out that nothing had really been accomplished in the removal of germs and bacteria without actual soap and clean water. I pushed down the fear and tension creeping up my neck, and re-entered the classroom. 

That was my aha moment. The moment when I realized just how much I had been worshipping (by offering up time, importance, value, and effort) the gods of soap and water. I had been trusting them to provide me with the life and health I so desired.


My worldview, based in science-driven humanism, said that soap, clean water, and religious washing would protect my health and keep me safe from germs and contaminants. But in stark contrast stood the Biblical worldview that says that Jesus is the giver of life and health, and that no germs or bacteria are outside of His power and control. He is the one to protect my well-being. This was all the more obvious when I found myself out of control of my surroundings, and all I was left with was trust in His provision.


In painful realization, I confessed to Jesus my sin of trusting anything more than Him, and wrote down my life-changing revelation of my own broken worldview.


In the weeks since, I’ve had time to more fully realize just how much power my fear and need for control has actually controlled me. Thankfully, Jesus has also continued working on my heart to bring about His own truth and perspective.


Do I still put the lid down on the toilet when I flush? You bet.
Do I still wash my hands with soap when available? Absolutely.


I still firmly believe in being a wise steward of the resources (including scientific knowledge, cleaning agents, etc.) that Jesus has given to me. However, when the time comes and those options are not available, I know He has started the work in my heart for me to be completely at peace, having full confidence that He is bigger and stronger, and more worthy of my trust than mere soap and water.